Leadership can't be taught, but it can be learned

Leadership isn't a one-size-fits-all skill that you can pick up from a weekend workshop. Real leadership is nuanced and deeply personal, tailored to the specific needs and dynamics of your team.

Drawing from my master's thesis on how leadership impacts team dynamics and behavior, this article explores why you can't simply “train” leadership.

I'm not implying that leadership is something that you must be born with. It can be learned, but we need to understand what learning to be a good and effective leader actually means.

The myth of the leadership formula

Forget the ads promising to turn anyone into a great leader overnight. We've all seen them: “Become a certified leader in three days!” or “Master leadership with these five easy steps!”

These programs often sell a standardized formula for leadership that claims to work for everyone. Sometimes, you meet managers who seem to be reading from the same book of management. They're “managing expectations,” “asserting authority,” “maintaining control,” “keeping everyone in line,” or “fostering independence.”

They might focus on giving just enough positive feedback to keep people motivated but not too much to avoid inflating egos, and other practices based on one person's idea of human nature.

For example, a manager might treat employees differently if they believe people are inherently bad and need strict control versus believing people are inherently good and need support.

True leadership, however, is far more complex. It's not about following a set script or generalized ideas of the world; it's about understanding and navigating the unique relationships and dynamics within your team.

Expertise isn't enough

We won't delve into the differences between management and leadership. This goes beyond the scope of this article. But it's essential to note that they aren't the same.

Many people in power admit they could be better leaders, even if they're effective managers. Some accept this as the way things are and don't attribute any team deficiencies to this lack of leadership. Others turn to management guides and training that try to teach what it takes to be a good manager or leader.

Leadership training isn't necessarily a bad thing, and those struggling with this side of their role can learn some valuable lessons to get them started. However, if they don't intrinsically believe in the benefits of good leadership and acknowledge that expertise alone isn't enough for them and their team to succeed, this information might not be as beneficial.

Also, if they don't recognize that the human side of management isn't just an “HR thing” but a fundamental responsibility of every manager, then no amount of training or learning will be enough to bridge that gap.

Therefore, we shouldn't be trying to teach managers a one-size-fits-all approach to leadership. Instead, we should focus on the quality of the leader-employee relationship and how it affects organizational outcomes. Enhancing these relationships is a task that varies and must be discovered and maintained for each team member individually.

So what can be enough?

Relationships matter more than rules

At the heart of effective leadership (at least in the scope of this article) is the Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) theory. Simply put, this theory is all about the quality of the relationships between leaders and their team members.

Imagine you're at work and your boss actually listens to your ideas, respects your contributions, and trusts you to do your job well. Feels good, right? That's the magic of high-quality LMX relationships.

High-quality LMX relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. They aren't something you can achieve by following a checklist; they require genuine investment in each team member as an individual.

It's the leader's duty to invest time in people so they can learn what contributes to the quality of their relationship. There's no step-by-step guide on what to do and what not to do because what works for one person might not work for another.

When leaders build strong bonds with their team members, everyone feels more valued and appreciated. This leads to what we call Organizational Citizenship Behavior (OCB), which is just a fancy term for those extra, above-and-beyond efforts that help the whole team succeed. It's when someone voluntarily agrees to help a colleague or pitches in on a project outside of their usual duties. These behaviors aren't in their job description and shouldn't be a requirement, but they do happen when people are motivated and appreciated.

The crucial role of psychological safety

One aspect of leadership that's often overlooked in traditional training is the creation of psychological safety. This means fostering an environment where team members feel safe to take risks, share their ideas, and even make mistakes without fear of negative consequences.

Psychological safety is essential for innovation and team cohesion, yet it's not something you can instill through a rigid training program.

Creating psychological safety involves active listening, empathy, and consistent and open communication. It's about leaders showing vulnerability and admitting their own mistakes, thereby encouraging their team to do the same. This builds a culture of trust and continuous improvement.

Embracing diversity and individuality

Another key element of effective leadership is recognizing and embracing the diversity within your team.

This goes beyond just acknowledging differences in cultural background or assuming stereotypical differences based on age or gender. It means understanding that each team member has unique experiences, strengths, and needs—and then tailoring your leadership approach accordingly.

For instance, one person might thrive with regular feedback and opportunities for growth, while another might value greater autonomy and the chance to mentor others.

Great leaders are flexible and adaptable, finding ways to support and leverage the strengths of each individual team member.

Real-world leadership: No scripts, just connection

To illustrate these points, let's look at some real-world examples:

• Imagine you're managing a marketing team and notice that one of your team members, Peter, consistently goes beyond his duties, helping colleagues and coming up with innovative ideas. As a manager who has invested time in getting to know your team, you understand that Peter feels most appreciated and motivated when he's given opportunities to take on new challenges or projects that allow him to further develop his skills. Recognizing this, you decide to give Peter the lead on a new initiative that aligns with his strengths and interests, while also making it clear that his past contributions have played a significant role in the team's success. This approach not only motivates Peter but also empowers him to continue contributing at a high level, knowing that his efforts are valued and that he's making a real impact.
• Now, consider this: You're in a team meeting, and Ana, a typically quiet team member, seems hesitant to share an idea. Because you've taken the time to understand Ana's personality, you know that she's introverted and often feels more comfortable sharing her thoughts in one-on-one settings rather than in front of the entire group. Instead of putting her on the spot during the meeting, you decide to follow up with her afterward, setting up a personal discussion where she can share her ideas privately. During this discussion, Ana opens up and shares her insights. Later, you acknowledge her contributions in the same manner or through a direct message. You also ensure that her valuable insights are recognized by the relevant stakeholders, even if they aren't publicly shared. This approach respects Ana's preferences and creates a supportive environment where she feels valued, ultimately encouraging her to continue contributing in a way that suits her best.

While personalized recognition and understanding individual needs are essential aspects of effective management, they complement the importance of fair salaries and other forms of extrinsic rewards.

Although these financial aspects are crucial, they're not the focus of this discussion, as they deserve their own dedicated attention. Here, the emphasis is on the human side of management—the day-to-day interactions and soft skills that build trust, reinforce individual strengths, and contribute to a supportive and engaged team culture.

The challenges and rewards of true leadership

Of course, being an effective leader isn't without its challenges.

• Building trust takes time, and creating a safe space where everyone feels comfortable can be difficult, especially in larger teams. It's important to be patient and consistent in your efforts. Regularly check in with your team, ask for their feedback, and be open to making adjustments.
• Another challenge is balancing the diverse needs of your team members. It's easy to fall into the trap of treating everyone the same, but true leadership requires recognizing and valuing the unique strengths and perspectives each person brings. This might mean providing different types of support or opportunities to different team members, which can be a delicate balancing act.



Despite the challenges, the long-term benefits of effective leadership are well worth the effort.

• Teams with high-quality LMX relationships and a strong sense of psychological safety are more engaged, motivated, and productive. They're also more likely to stick around, reducing turnover and creating a more stable and cohesive work environment.
• When leaders embrace diversity and encourage extra effort, they unlock the full potential of their teams. This leads to greater innovation, improved problem-solving, and a stronger overall performance.

Why training falls short

It should already be clear why traditional leadership training programs often fall short. It's because they focus on techniques and strategies rather than on building genuine relationships and creating supportive environments.

They teach you how to act like a leader rather than how to be one. True leadership is about connection, empathy, and understanding—qualities that can't be packaged into a neat training module.

Conclusion: Leading beyond the classroom

Today, it's not just up to employees to foster good relationships at work. Leaders must also put in the effort to build strong connections with their team members, and not just make decisions and give orders.

You shouldn't train leadership in the traditional sense. You can't simply follow a set of steps and expect to become an effective leader. Real leadership is messy, dynamic, and deeply human. It's about building meaningful relationships, creating safe spaces for your team, and embracing the individuality of each team member.

So next time you see an ad promising to make you a certified leader in a few easy steps, remember: it isn't something you can learn in a classroom. It's something you practice, day in and day out, with empathy, patience, and a genuine commitment to your team.